Anonymous: Did you ever go back to the Salt and Pepper diner?
at my show he told us about this!! and then he also said that he got arrested with the same friends he went to the salt and pepper diner with and they were all named john and the police officer had them all lined up on his car and he asked the first guys name and he said john and then he asked john mulaney and he said john and then the officer said “if you say your name is john youre all going to jail” and then he said his name is john and the officer lost his shit
ok but can we like start a petition for Cards Against Humanity to make a John Mulaney themed pack because i would be willing to spend all my money on that
Suggestions:
Black cards-
• THERES A ______ LOOSE! IN THE HOSPITAL
• Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell ________
• Canceling plans is like ________
• Do my friends hate me? Or do I just need _____
• You have the moral backbone of a _______
• I’ll keep all of my ___________ right here and the one day I’ll die
White Cards-
• what’s new pussycat played 7 times followed by its not unusual followed by what’s new pussy cat
• smoking cocaine the night before your college graduation
• a 28 year old healthy man trying his best
• one black coffee
• STREET SMARTS
• shushing animals even though they’ve never spoken
• Delta Airlines
• the one thing they can’t replace
• an on fire garbage can… could be a nursery
• a sea of drunk toddlers
• a pre- y2k asshole
• Xanax
Do my friends hate me? Or do I just needwhat’s new pussycat played 7 followed by it’s not unusual followed by what’s new pussycat
Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell the one thing they can’t replace.
THERE’S a sea of drunk toddlers LOOSE! IN THE HOSPITAL
this whole thing is way too good to be giffed you need to expirience it
There are so many things that are TOP quality about this. The business with the mic rope. The bounding across the stage like an excited puppy or a newsie. The Voice™️ that is so synonymous with John, you know, the voice of a guy who sells ice cream at the soda fountain in the 50’s. The analogy itself.
It’s all so beautiful, such peak humor and content.
Emmy Award Winning™️
I FOUND IT AGAIN.
Here’s the “horse loose in a hospital” bit. Good news, it has closed captioning.
john mulaney talking about how much he loves his wife and roasting other male comedians that just talk shit on their wives is why The Gays like him so much because he’s what Straight Culture should be
he literally called her a bitch so let’s raise the standards ladies and gentlemen
the bar is at the earth’s core
literally fuck you to hell tumblr
This is the first I heard of this guy and I think this is the most dramatically I’ve seen anyone’s words taken out of context in quite a while
John Mulaney’s entire thing about his wife (and when she was his girlfriend) is about undoing the toxic horseshit that male comedians have done in talking shit about their wives for so fucking long. When he first mentions her, he says about his Jewish girlfriend “this is gonna get playfully antisemitic,” except it doesn’t [note: I am not Jewish, and I am aware that shades my perceptions]. He talks about how she’s forthright and helps him be better at standing up for himself because he’s really fucking bad at confrontation and she is very good at pointing out that he shouldn’t have to wait an hour for food at a restaurant or be stranded at an airport. The parts of her nature that would be derided for being “so Jewish” by other comedians are some of the reasons John loves her. She doesn’t take shit, and he realizes that he doesn’t have to.
When he mentions her in the latest special, he mentions the conversation quoted above before he dives in. HE IS AWARE HOW LOW THE BAR IS. And what are his stories? There’s no nagging wife. There’s no stories of her not getting how manly he is. The jokes are about what a fucking dork he is and how her responses are in line with WHAT A FUCKING DORK HE IS. He ADORES her because she doesn’t give a fuck, and he is aware he gives entirely too many fucks.
And when he finally DOES tell a story about her messing something up, it’s a hilarious misunderstanding about the Last Supper that John finds fucking hilarious because he was raised Catholic, so the Last Supper is a BIG DEAL, and she’s Jewish, so it wasn’t on her radar. The story is hilarious because it’s about a very cute and funny misunderstanding based on different backgrounds. It’s not about “finally” one-upping that bitch he married. It’s about being DELIGHTED to find out that bitch he likes so much has a fucking hilarious take on the Last Supper.
Bring me WAY MORE male comedians like John Mulaney, and this bitch will be happy.
Plus, if you compare his recent versus early shows, you can watch him come to awareness about the toxic masculinity inherent in old-school standup and grow as a comedian into someone much funnier at the same time. Kudos.
“I also think it’s weird in movies, when someone has amnesia, and they wake up in the hospital, a lot of times surrounded by friends and family, but when they open their eyes they go ‘WHO ARE YOU?!’ because that’s not how you act when you don’t recognize somebody. That’s very rude. It would be chaos out there if every time you saw someone you didn’t recognize you went ‘WHO ARE YOU?!’. I always try to be really polite in life, so if I had amnesia, you’d never know it! I’d wake up and they’d be like ‘Hi John, we’re so happy you’re awake’ and I’d just be like, ‘Oh, hey man… How’s it going? Oh hey dude, nice to see you again’ because that’s how you act when you can tell that someone recognizes you and you have no fucking clue who they are.”
bullshit central 