I understand that a lot of people enjoy writing shipfics where they transplant characters into a college setting. Since some writers may not be in college, or may have graduated a long time ago, I thought I’d offer a helpful list of realistic college meet not-so-cute scenarios. Forget baristas. This is where it’s at.
– I’m really passionate about this cause and I will give you this flier if I have to shove it down your throat
– vicious battle over the only left handed desk in the room
– my roommate’s boyfriend is staying over so can I please sleep on your floor
– it’s pouring and my final paper is in my backpack so I guess we’re stuck under this tiny awning together. do you think they’d deliver pizza here
– hey I have to photograph someone for class will you be my model
– hey I have to take someone’s blood pressure for class will you be my victim
– variations of the above
– I know I keep coming to the cookie shop and for some reason it’s always your shift but don’t you dare judge me I need these for my sanity
– all our friends are drunk
– it’s 3 am and I’m still in the library studying for finals and I’m losing my grip on reality and I think I just saw a ghost
– we’re the only two people in this club. what is this club even for
– humans vs zombies (see you can still have your zombie AU, best of both worlds)
– we’re the only people who ever talk in discussions it’s awful
– GROUP PROJECT
#both of us turned up at the wrong room for this lecture but don’t know where its meant to be #waiting outside for pizza to be delivered and both of ours are super late #you keep parking in the space outside my student house you absolute asshole #we live in halls opposite each other and I keep seeing you changing through your window #you’re the only other person in the room when I break the printer and I’m panicking (little-smartass)
– Neither of us bought the expensive textbook but there is only one copy in the library and it can’t leave the building
– This awesome professor only has one TA slot and we’re rivals
– I found your USB drive still in the computer
– I thought I was the only one who liked the waffle station in the cafeteria
– You keep reserving the good study room in the corner of the library with the windows
– We’re studying in the library and there are two people very obviously fucking in the stacks and we keep sharing embarrassed glances
– We’re both donating blood in the blood donation van in the quad to get out of the same class
– You decked me in the head while you were playing frisbee golf
– Wait, I actually have a competent lab partner?
– You’re the RA and you’re trying to bust me for having hermit crabs
– You’re baking cookies in the communal kitchen at 3am and I’m angry but also really hungry
– What are you doing at this table at the career fair
– Waiting for office hours
– I’ve been sitting in this seat all semester why did you decide to sit in it today
– Clearly we’re both really uncomfortable at this party
– You peed on my car. You were drunk. I was in the car. There will be hell to pay.
– We started racing up the three flights of stairs to class for some reason and we can’t stop
– You’re REALLY GOOD at using the right search terms for the academic databases and I’m on a deadline
Tag: idear
what’s your nervous tick? i rub the back of my left ear with my right hand
yo the notes on this are a gold mine if you’re a writer
“Shh, it’s alright,” the villain said. “You’re doing beautifully and I’m so proud of you. But that’s enough now. It was cruel of them to make you fight me – you could never have won. It’s not your fault.”
The ancient and powerful villain may have had a calm and gentle face as he spoke, but he was furious, not at the hero, but the gods for continually sending kids and teenagers to fight their battles.
“We keep summoning and sending heroes but the villain just keeps adopting them, sir.”
halfsquaretriangles-deactivated:
@KathleenMRooney Most mind-blowing fact I’ve encountered all month, scurvy-related or otherwise.
O____O
jesus christ this was a fact I could have happily gone to the grave not knowing
certainly gives me more enthusiasm for eating oranges, knowing that my body could just up and explode if I don’t
#ourgeneration horror stories
- They find a book written in Latin… one guy doesn’t take Latin and doesn’t want to mess up the pronunciation. The girl is studying Mandarin. Another guy recommends sticking it into Google Translate but that’s likely to land them with gibberish. They leave it alone.
- The car won’t start. They call an Uber.
- The vampire captures the girl and insists that she wears the gown to dinner. The gown is actually hella cute. Only problem is it’s not in her size. Oh, it only comes in 2’s and 4’s? Sorry, vamp, you want me in that dress you contact the goddamn company and tell them to get their shit together.
- “How did you possibly know that? It saved our lives!” “I’ve got two degrees and I spend way too much time on Wikipedia.”
- They encounter a spirit that gains power the more people believe in it. One girl makes a vine and uploads with, “fakest ghost ever!!! Right??” Twenty minutes later the spirit is destroyed.
- The circus is in town tonight. Except she’s lived her whole life here and the circus has never come before… it’s also in a pretty sketchy part of town, not somewhere you’d want to walk alone at night. She goes to a movie instead.
- “You’d need an ARMY to fight this evil!” “Okay. I’ve got 20,000 followers, lets see how many can make it.”
- The Evil Whispery Voice of Doom tells the jock that it’s going to kill his pretty blonde girlfriend. The jock gets offended because, excuse me, Cindy and I are just friends. However, Marty over there is my boyfriend and I’m not saying you should kill him, just stop making assumptions yeah?
- “This spirit tried to convince me it was Jerry when it texted but its texting style is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT so yeah that didn’t work.”
- We could have easily gotten lost and ended up at some creepy cabin in the woods, but luckily we all had functioning GPSs. Beach party, we’ve arrived!
- “We have to find a way to destroy it! We—what are you doing?” “Looking up ‘exorcising demons’ on Google. Oh look, first hit.”
- The child she bares will be the devil’s spawn. Good thing she doesn’t want kids. Or if she changes her mind she can always adopt.
- “How can we possibly outwit this serial killer…” “… There’s gotta be an app for that. Lemme look.”
- Only the virgin will survive… Turns out they’re all virgins. One is asexual. One wants to wait until marriage. Two just haven’t found the right person yet. One is meh about sex. So we all survive, yeah?
- The girl does not fall. She was on varsity track.
- “Quick! We need someplace to hide the artifact. And then decoys to confuse the beast! What have we got?” “… I’ve got a hundred plastic bags stuffed into another plastic bag.” “PERFECT.”
i would pay to read a book of a collection of modern horror stories
They’re trapped in a haunted cabin one of them inherited from a Weird UncleTM. Mysterious figures, things going flying, screams and drumbeats and chanting, blood pouring down the walls, the whole bit. They pull out the Ouija Board.
“BRO, WHAT IS YOUR DEAL?”
S…A…C…R…E…D…L…A…N…D
“Oh.”
“Oh geez. Oh no. This is Native American land. Oh goodness I am SO sorry.”
“Um so, like I inherited this property and a couple acres, can I like…donate it?”
W…H…A…T
“Yeah man like, what tribe are you? I don’t want to live here, this cabin is grody and Uncle Tim was a fuckin’ weirdo. It’s your guys’ land, just like, what tribe?”
C..H…U…M…A…S…H
“Cool. Uh, I guess we’ll…call them…in the morning?”
T…H…A…N…K…Y…O…U
GOODBYE“Oh. Well fuck, like, that was easy.”
can we take a moment to just think about how incredibly scary magical healing is in-context?
You get your insides ripped open but your friend waves his hands and your flesh just pulls back together, agony and evisceration pulling back to a ‘kinda hurts’ level of pain and you’re physically whole, with the 100% expectation that you’ll get back up and keep fighting whatever it was that struck you down the first time.
You break your arm after falling somewhere and after you’re healed instead of looking for ‘another way around’ everybody just looks at you and goes “okay try again”.
You’ve been fighting for hours, you’re hungry, thirsty, bleeding, crying from exhaustion, and a hand-wave happens and only two of those things go away. you’re still hungry, you’re still weak from thirst, but the handwave means you have ‘no excuse’ to stop.
You act out aggressively maybe punch a wall or gnash your teeth or hit your head on something and it’s hand-waved because it’s ‘such a small injury you probably can’t even feel it anymore’ but the point was that you felt it at all?
Your pain literally means nothing because as long as you’re not bleeding you’re not injured, right? Here drink this potion and who cares about the emotional exhaustion of that butchered village, why are you so reserved in camp don’t you think it’s fun retelling that time you fell through a burning building and with a hand-wave you got back up again and ran out with those two kids and their dog?
Older warriors who get a shiver around magic-users not because of the whole ‘fireball’ thing but the ‘I don’t know what a normal pain tolerance is anymore’ effect of too much healing. Permanent paralysis and loss of sensation in limbs is pretty much a given in the later years of any fighter’s life. Did I have a stroke or did the mage just heal too hard and now this side of my face doesn’t work? No i’m not dead from the dragon’s claws but I can’t even bend my torso anymore because of how the scar tissue grew out of me like a vine.
Magical healing is great and keeps casualties down.
But man.
That stuff is scary.
shit just got creepy
Or maybe magical healing doesn’t leave scars or damage. It is magical, after all.
So after years of fighting, your skin is still perfect. Unmarred. In fact, you’re actually in better shape than regular people who don’t get magical healing when they fall out of trees or walk into doors or cut themselves while cooking dinner. You’re in such good shape that it’s unnatural.
And the really good healing magic takes away more than just the obvious injuries. You first start noticing it after about ten years when you go home and haha, you look the same age as your younger sibling, that’s funny.
Not so funny ten years later when they look older. Or forty years later, when you bury them still looking like you did at twenty. When do you retire from this gig anyway? How much damage is too much damage?
How many times do you glimpse the afterlife, or worse, how many times don’t you? What do you live through, get used to, show no outward sign of except a perfectly healthy body, too perfect for any person living a real life.
How many times are you sitting in a tavern with your friends and you hear the whispers, because the people around you know. How can they not know? Your weapons shine with enchantments and your armour is better than the best money can buy and there is not a damn scar on you. You hardly seem human to them.
How long before you hardly seem human to yourself?
And you find yourself struggling to remember the places where the scars should have been, phantom pains that wake you screaming, touching all the old injuries and finding nothing there. It’s all in your head. Was it ever anywhere else?
How long before you’re fighting a lich or a vampire or some other undead monster and you wonder…
…what makes me so different?
Things Overheard in Dorms
- “That’s the fourth time this week you’ve brought up cannibalizing me. Should I be worried?”
- “So needless to say, she peed on me.”
- “Wow, this Heineken has such a smooth finish!”
- “Do you think I can fit an entire orange in my mouth?”
- “If I hear someone sing Hamilton in the shower again I’m joining them in their shower so I can drown them.”
- “Someone just gave me a free cake. Should I be worried?”
- “How did they manage to get that in BOTH shower stalls!?”
- “How much caffeine is poisonous? Asking for myself, I’m actually worried.”
- faintly, as though yelled from in a room down the hall “Can you come hand me my Swiss rolls? My head spins if I sit up.”
- “Well you see, Marxism is actually” *anguished yelling from multiple people*
- “Why is Ross sitting in a box in the hallway with a sweatervest draped over his head?” “Stress.”
- “What’s the difference between an undergraduate research assistant and a random nosy 19 year old? Less than you’d think!”
- “Let Bob Ross caress your happy little struggles away.”
- “He talks like he thinks the world is waiting with bated breath to hear what he thinks about Fight Club.”
- *screaming in harmony with a vacuum*
bullshit central 