normal-horoscopes:

Aries: The future brings bees. Bees and honey. Sort of a double edged sword.

Taurus: If we could make friends out of clay they wouldn’t necessarily be worth less than normal friends, but please come outside. We miss you.

Gemini: You can hide from a lack of something. Fear of empty spaces is unfortunately common.

Cancer: People who say that neon colored things are artificial has never tried eating flowers.

Leo: Improperly formed curses can go haywire, bounding off and smacking into things with no real rhyme or reason. Its not your fault.

Virgo: There is the person you pretend you are and the person you pretend you are not. Bash their heads together to knock them out simultaneously.

Libra: The cartoon dogs in the walls are curious things. They have not seen a person in a long long time.

Scorpio: The elastic of your underwear can make an excellent slingshot in an emergency.

Ophiuchus: The stars and I are sorry to say, your intense desire to hunt and kill the seventh president of the united states is doomed. He is dead.

Sagittarius: It cares little if you ignore it. Its not looking for attention.

Capricorn: Build so many bridges it becomes impossible to see the sun. You are the spider to this web of infrastructure.

Aquarius: Try something new. Don’t break the skin.

Pisces: As long as golf continues to exist you will be plagued with nightmares.