The top 2 categories of people who swear the most are:
1. 15 year old boys 2. People in the military
And therefore it makes sense that, Edward Elric, a 15 year old boy in the military, holds the record for “Most Swear Words Ever Said by a Single Human Being”
They’re also both small, angry, love their friends, hate their dads, and are basically genius child prodigies.
This is official art. They’re friends.
This being said though Ed beat Father while he was already at his weakest because of Hohenheim and Greed’s contributions to weakening him.
Maka beat Asura while he was at his most powerful after he had been building his power for half the series. And she did so because her unmitigated courage was enough to force him into a breakdown.
What I’m trying to say here is if Maka and Edward threw hands she would kick his ass. But they won’t do that because, as you can see, they’re friends.
So, as it’s roughly explained, the state alchemist program is a kind of “recruit potential human sacrifices” mechanism, with a side-order of “brute strength for the army”. But basically, the state alchemist title is mostly about being a researcher–given people like Shou Tucker exist, and given that the only requirement to stay a state alchemist is to submit a yearly report of your research that says “look I’m still being a useful scientist”.
So far, so far this is sensible, yeah? Father and the delightful children from down the lane are running a recruitment program for potential human sacrifices. So sure–butter them up! Give them lots of money, get them buddy-buddy with the government, and give them endless resources for research. It’s be pretty easy to trick a state alchemist in that position to open the portal if Sugar DaddyBradley is nudging them to do it.
And I’m still willing to go with this logic for the whole “draft the state alchemists into war” move. They make it pretty clear that was something of a last-ditch effort. And the blood transmutation circle around Amestris was an absolute necessity for Father’s plan. So the risk of a few state alchemists dying or resigning from your Potential Sacrifice Pool is worth it for the completion of the circle.
Now. To get to my fucking thought.
Edward fucking Elric. This fucking fight-me 12 year old troglodyte shows up to the exam and performs circle-less transmutation in front of mother fucking Bradley, demonstrating to one of the seven Actual Fucking Homunculi that he’d already opened the portal. Ed was literally prepped as a human sacrifice before he showed up to Central. A fully set human sacrifice showed up at the homunculi’s door, said “hey look what I can do!”, proved he’d opened the mother fucking portal already, and said “hey yeah hire me”. Human sacrifice, free shipping, no assembly required, handcuffs not included!
They could have just tossed Ed into a shoebox and kept him there until the Promised Day. They wouldn’t even need to make up an excuse he attacked the f u c k i n g president. That’s fucking treason babey. He’s 12, he’s an orphan, he’s from a rural town in buttfuck nowhere, he’s literally the easiest person alive to disappear.They could have arrested him for assassination crimes, kept him in gay baby jail, and just popped him out for the Promised Day
What do they do instead?! “Oh lmao this kid’s great. Let’s give him infinite money, no supervision, no governmental responsibilities, access to all our secret resources, and toss him on a train to who-the-fuck-knows-where-land”
They fucking did that
And like? They then had the audacity to be concerned when Edward “Fight Me” Elric almost got himself killed about 293 times. Just an endless game of “I thought u were watching him” from one homunculus to another when Ed fucking absconds half-way across the globe to go entice some other hostile entity into murdering him to death. That’s the whole series. Every arc is Ed baiting death while the homunculi are in the background like “:/ wish he wouldn’t do that”
This only gets worse when you consider they later learned Al opened the portal too because really?? These two stab-happy globe-trotting public menaces are 40% of your final evil plan for godhood. 40%. Almost half. You couldn’t fucking set aside a cardboard box to keep these idiots in?
We all knew Father was terrible at planning when we learned his thousands-of-years-in-the-making-plan involved him procrastinating until the last five minutes to get his last sacrifice, while he was?? playing chess in his fucking basement, I guess. But it’s like every time I think about it like really think about it I find 7 more reasons Father was a fucking shit idiot moron, king of the stupid fucking idiot club, flesh and blood founder of seven other established dumbasses, all living in their idiot hovel under central, just giving random dumbass 12 year olds infinite money, j u s t b e c a u s e.
AU where Ed uses those weird, uncomfortable tumblr insults when he’s fighting someone (and Roy’s just in the background struggling to fathom what he’s hearing)
I mean Diesel jeans? a solid River Island black tshirt? a cute cream Gucci hoodie? It’s nice????
where did ed get this?? It’s nicer than anything he wears at any point in the show
is this his backup outfit? he dresses like a blind goth for years and suddenly busts out this look?
What I take from this is that the only way to get Ed to wear cute clothes is to physically destroy all clothes he owns in battle and then have him give up his science magic door so he can’t make more
Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood is a sixty four episode series about finding a way to take away Edward Elric’s ability to make his own awful clothes
bullshit central 