you ever get where something REALLY REALLY good happens, like surprisingly good because things NEVER turn out this well in real life-kind of good, and you can’t even enjoy it fully because you’re just waiting for that moment where everything goes to shit? just waiting for all this happiness to somehow backfire?? for there to be some kind of catch??

bc that’s my feeling right now. my family has been hugely blessed and i just keep waiting for fate to the pull the rug out from under us and ruin this little bubble of happiness and relief we have. i keep looking at my mom grinning ear to ear and wanting to tell her it’s too early to count her chickens, don’t get so excited!! it’s gonna be so much more disappointing later!! and it just SUCKS

it sucks that i can’t even enjoy this moment for what it is, for how much it could change all of our lives for the better because part of me can’t believe something so good could happen to us without something awful balancing it out. 

please, please, please just let this happiness actually be the answer to our prayers and not Act 1 of some big cosmic joke we can’t see ourselves playing right into